Tricky People: When “Stranger Danger”
Doesn’t Cut It Anymore
Written by Julienne Jocson
Most people have grown up familiar with the mantra “Stranger Danger,” it’s one of the most traditional forms of preventive measures done by parents; don’t get into vehicles of people you don’t know, don’t accept presents from people you don’t know. Children are told to simply never interact with people unfamiliar to them. However, the phrase is now cautioned to be ineffective for safeguarding your child, statistics show that most child harm cases involve people that the child already knows.
Child safety experts suggest a more productive approach: Identifying “Tricky People,” a term coined by Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After Inc., an organization that provides innovative, child safety prevention programs.“Tricky people” points out more specific behavior than the concept of a stranger alone.
What’s a Tricky Person?
When words like predators, manipulators and grifters are too heavy, tell your child about “Tricky People”. Put simply, a “Tricky Person” is anyone (stranger or not) that pushes a child to break safety rules in an attempt to manipulate, deceive or pressure them. It’s a child-friendly term highly recommended by child safety experts for children to be introduced to.
LET YOUR CHILD KNOW:
5 signs to spot a Tricky Person
1. Asking your child to help them with something
“Can you help me look for my lost cat? Could you give me directions to this place?” As harmless as it may seem theoretically, adults who genuinely need help ask other adults, not children. If anyone asks your child to leave with them, remind them that they should always check with a trusted adult first, even if the person seems nice or familiar.
2. Asking your child to break a family safety rule
Asking them to keep secrets, to hide something, to go somewhere without permission, asking them to touch or look at private parts, or asking them to do anything that feels wrong. Children should know that their body belongs to them, and they have the right to say “no,” leave the situation, and tell a trusted adult.
3. Arranging alone time with your child
“Come with me. Let’s go somewhere private. Don’t tell anyone.” Another red flag is when someone repeatedly tries to separate your child from other people. Teach your child that they should not go somewhere alone with another person without permission from a trusted adult.
4. Asking your child to keep a secret
“Don’t tell your Mom. This is our little secret. You’re gonna get in trouble if you tell.” One of the biggest red flags is when someone asks a child to keep a secret from their parents or another trusted adult. Teach your child the difference between surprises and secrets. A surprise, like a birthday gift, is meant to make someone happy and is shared later. A secret that makes a child feel worried, scared, or uncomfortable should never have to be kept. Let your child know: “If someone asks you to keep a secret from me, you can always tell me. You will never get in trouble for telling me the truth.”
5. Creating a false sense of urgency
“It’s an emergency! You have to do this now! Quickly!” Tricky people use urgency as a way to control or manipulate your child and getting them to act quickly. Teach your child that real emergencies still involve their trusted adults. Sometimes, there really are true emergencies. For older children, some families choose to create a family password. If someone says your parent sent them, your child can ask for the family password before going with them.
At the end of the day, knowing the signs won’t matter if your children don’t know who to turn to. Ask them additionally, “Who are the adults you know you can always talk to if something doesn’t feel right?” Having these conversations ahead of time makes it easier for children to know where to turn when they need help. Be the trusted adult your child can come to. A way to build trust with your child is making sure they don’t fear you, the way you respond to small mistakes today (Forgetting to wash the dishes, accidentally breaking household items) will determine how safe your child will feel coming to you with bigger concerns tomorrow.
The Mom Psychologist. (2024, May 23). How to teach kids about “tricky people” & body safety and consent[Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/qwXEPEOixuQ
Fitzroy Early Learning Centre. (n.d.). The ‘tricky people’ lesson you need to teach your kids. https://fitzroyelc.com.au/the-tricky-people-lesson-you-need-to-teach-your-kids/
Child Advocacy Center. (n.d.). The statistics of child abuse and neglect. https://capstonenebraska.com/statistics.html
Institute of Child Psychology. (2024, April 17). Instead of “stranger danger” teach your children about “tricky people” [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/ZE9H7L-4S9U?si=xBGR9DFlIYIsMhEP
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